Define Your Comfort 【DYC BLOG】

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I was gay. by 有森裕子サンの旦那
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Hi there, what's up you guys???

Hi there, what's up you guys???

Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.

Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.

When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.

It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.

They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--

They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.

I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.

Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.

If a man does his best, what else is there?

In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.

Don't be so humble - you are not that great.

True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.

If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.

Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.

My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track

A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.

The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.

One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.

Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.

Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.

Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.

If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.

Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.

Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.

The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently

Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.

Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.

Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.

Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.

We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.

Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.

It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.

The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.

If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.

The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.

The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.

The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.

Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.

The cynics are right nine times out of ten.

Everything has been figured out, except how to live.

Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.

When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.

Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.

Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.

Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.

The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.

The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!

In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.

Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.

Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives

It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.

The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.

Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives

Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...

When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.

The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.

The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.

Smith & Wesson — the original point and click interface.

I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.

You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.

... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.

UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.

Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.

A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.

You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.

If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.

I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.

Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.

Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.

They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.

I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.

A camel is a horse designed by a committee

Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes

Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.

Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.

Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.

The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.

I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?

There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.

If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.

If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.

If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.

Behind every great fortune there is a crime.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.

Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!

DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.

Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.

Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.

My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.

Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.

All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.

If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.

I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.

USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.

My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.

Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.

An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.

An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.

An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.

Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?

A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.

It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.

Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.

A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.

A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.

Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.

Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.

I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.

The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.

If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.

Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.

The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.

The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.

The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.

I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.

In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.

Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.

Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.

Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.

Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.

Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.

I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.

It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.

Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.

Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.

A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.

If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.

I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.

I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.

I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.

The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.

Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!

Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.

UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.

Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.

The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.

Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.

It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.

All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.

It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.

My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.

The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.

Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.

In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.

Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.

The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.

Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.

If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.

Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.

Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.

To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.

To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.

Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.

The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.

When ideas fail, words come in very handy.

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.

Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.

Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.

The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.

Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.

My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.

You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.

A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.

A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.

A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.

Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.

Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.

War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.

Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.

You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.

I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.

Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.

Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.

Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.

C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language

I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.

I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.

What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.

And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings

Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.

Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.

Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.

When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.

I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.

I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.

A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.

Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.

The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.

It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.

If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.

Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.

Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.

I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.

Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.

Men have become the tools of their tools.

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light

He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.

Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.

Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

If there’s one thing I know it’s God does love a good joke.

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.

The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.

There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.

Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.

Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.

Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.

Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?

I am not young enough to know everything.

I am not young enough to know everything.

Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.

An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.

I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.

Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives

Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives

Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives

Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives

Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.

Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.

Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.

Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.

In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.

In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.

USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.

Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.

When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.

First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.

Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.

Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.

Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.

Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'

A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.

It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.

There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?

Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.

I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.

Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.

We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.

When ideas fail, words come in very handy.

The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.

Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.

Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.

Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.

Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.

Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...

When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.

Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.

A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.

Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.

If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software

When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.

Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.

You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.

Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.

To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him

After every 'victory' you have more enemies.

To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.

If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?

If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?

Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist — and better tools.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.

When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.

The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?

Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.

If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.

I am not young enough to know everything.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.

Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.

Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.

If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?

If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.

Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.

Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.

I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.

I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.

Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.

Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.

Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?

I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.

I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.

I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.

Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !

War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.

Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.

The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.

Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.

You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.

You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.

I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.

In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...

Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.

Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.

USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.

A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.

I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.

My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.

Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?

Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?

Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?

Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.

Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.

Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.

Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.

An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.

I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.

Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.

Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.

A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'

Why don't you write books people can read?

Why don't you write books people can read?

Why don't you write books people can read?

Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !

Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.

The best way to predict the future is to invent it.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.

You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light

UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.

A hen is only an egg’s way of making another egg.

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.

Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.

Write a wise word and your name will live forever.

Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.

A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.

The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.

It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.

Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.

I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

payday61

The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment

There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.

Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.

We have art to save ourselves from the truth.

I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.

I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.

I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.

I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.

Why don't you write books people can read?

O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.

O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.

Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.

Total absence of humor renders life impossible.

It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.

Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.

What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.

What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.

In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.

Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.

If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?

Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.

I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.

Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.

The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.

In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.

It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.

Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.

Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.

Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.

I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.

If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.

If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.

If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.

Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.

University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.

You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.

Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.

Premature optimization is the root of all evil.

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.

Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?

Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.

Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.

It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.

The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.

All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.

You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.

You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.

When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.

Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.

It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.

Men have become the tools of their tools.

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.

I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.

You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.

Opportunities multiply as they are seized.

Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.

Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.

A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.

The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.

If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track

If you are going through hell, keep going.

Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.

Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.

When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.

Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?

To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.

Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.

If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.

The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.

Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.

If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.

The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.

Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.

Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.

The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.

If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.

The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.

The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.

To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.

The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.

I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.

The covers of this book are too far apart.

He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.

Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.

Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.

Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.

I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.

Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.

Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.

Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

Hello! ekfebee interesting ekfebee site!

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me

Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.

Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.

Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.

I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.

Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.

Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.

The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.

Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.

Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.

In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.

Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.

My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.

The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.

People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.

Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.

I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.

That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.

After every 'victory' you have more enemies.

A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.

A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain

It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.

True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.

Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.

No one can earn a million dollars honestly.

payday66

If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

Very nice site! is it yours too

Very nice site! is it yours too

Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.

I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.

Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

The truth is more important than the facts.

The truth is more important than the facts.

A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.

The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.

If there’s one thing I know it’s God does love a good joke.

Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.

When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.

Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.

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I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.

Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.

Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.

If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.

A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.

Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.

It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.

Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.

Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.

If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.

When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.

Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.

We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.

Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.

Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.

TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.

Men have become the tools of their tools.

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.

I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.

War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.

After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.

Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.

The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.

Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.

Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.

They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--

The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.

If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.

A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.

Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.

Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.

Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.

Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.

An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.

If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.

We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.

Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.

The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side

Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.

Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.

Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.

Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.

To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him

If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.

Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.

You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.

You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.

You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.

Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it

Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.

Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.

Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.

The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.

If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.

If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.

After every 'victory' you have more enemies.

Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.

In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.

To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.

I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.

I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.

I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?

Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?

Behind every great fortune there is a crime.

I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.

I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.

I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.

USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.

Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.

We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.

Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.

There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.

The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.

I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.

I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.

One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.

We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.

I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.

I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.

All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.

Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.

All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.

Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.

Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.

To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him

I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.

I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.

My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.

To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him

To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him

To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him

Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.

A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.

A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.

A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.

A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.

Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.

Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.

Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it

Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it

I am not young enough to know everything.

Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.

Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.

Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.

Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.

All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.

Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.

Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.

Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.

Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.

About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.

About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.

Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.

Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.

It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...

The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.

The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.

If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.

They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.

A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.

Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!

Men have become the tools of their tools.

My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.

Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.

Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.

They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...

Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.

Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.

Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.

Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.

Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.

Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.

Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.

UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.

If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.

War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.

My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.

There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.

The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.

One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.

One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.

One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.

Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.

Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.

War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.

We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.

Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.

I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!

Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.

The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.

There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.

There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.

If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?

If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?

If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?

Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.

In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.

When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'

In this war – as in others – I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...

Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.

Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.

Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.

Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.

Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.

Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.

Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.

We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.

We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.

I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.

First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.

He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.

It is better to be quotable than to be honest.

It is better to be quotable than to be honest.

Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.

All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.

All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.

All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?

Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist — and better tools.

There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.

We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.

We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.

We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.

A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.

Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.

A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.

I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.

Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.

Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.

My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.

DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.

DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.

DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?

... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.

Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.

The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.

Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.

Aloha!

The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.

Aloha!

Aloha!

I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?

Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.

We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.

We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.

Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.

It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.

My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.

Hello!

Aloha!

Aloha!

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.

Aloha!

Aloha!

Hello!

We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.

Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

Aloha!

Hello!

Hello!

C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog

Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.

Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

Hello!

Hello!

Hello!

Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.

Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.

UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.

Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.

Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.

If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?

Don't be so humble - you are not that great.

Aloha!

Hello!

Hello!

Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.

The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.

Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.

Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.

A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.

When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.

Aloha!

Aloha!

To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.

Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!

I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.

I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.

I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.

Hello!

Aloha!

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.

If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.

Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'

C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language

Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.

I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!

He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.

Hello!

Aloha!

Aloha!

When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.

Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.

Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

Aloha!

Aloha!

Hello!

Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.

Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.

A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

Hello!

Aloha!

Hello!

We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.

The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.

I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

Aloha!

Aloha!

Hello!

As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air — however slight — lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.

As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air — however slight — lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.

As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air — however slight — lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.

Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.

Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.

The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.

The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.

The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.

The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.

Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.

Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.

Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.

Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.

About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.

About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.

About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.

The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.

Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.

Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.

Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.

[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.

Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.

Aloha!

Aloha!

Aloha!

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.

They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.

They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.

They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.

Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.

Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.

Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.

Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

Hello!

Hello!

Hello!

Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.

Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.

How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.

How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.

How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.

Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.

Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.

The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.

The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.

The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.

If you are going through hell, keep going.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.

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Hello!

Hello!

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.

A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.

A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.

A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.

Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.

A poem is never finished, only abandoned.

Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.

TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.

The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.

Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.

Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.

Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.

Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.

If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.

If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.

If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.

If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.

Aloha!

Aloha!

Hello!

In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.

Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.

Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.

Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.

Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.

The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.

Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.

Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

Hello!

Hello!

Hello!

It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.

I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.

I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.

I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.

You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.

It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.

Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.

Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.

The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.

Hello!

Hello!

Aloha!

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.

We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.

First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.

My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.

My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.

I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.

My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.

My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.

We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.

We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.

I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.

I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.

Hello!

Aloha!

Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.

If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.

Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.

If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.

Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.

Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.

No one can earn a million dollars honestly.

Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.

Hello!

Hello!